I am Judas

“Is it I, Lord?” I ask. I’ve betrayed my Lord for less than 30 pieces of silver. I’ve betrayed my Lord when I have gossiped. I’ve betrayed my Lord when I have been unkind to another person. I’ve betrayed my Lord when I have refused to help another person. I’ve betrayed my Lord when I have judged another person. I’ve betrayed my Lord when I have refused to forgive.

When I gossiped or lied, I struck Him in the mouth so hard that His mouth swelled and He could not speak. When I judged that person at work, I whipped His body so hard that chunks of flesh were attached to the ends of the whip and pulled off His Body.. When I commited sins of the flesh, I ripped off His clothing letting all see Him in His Nakedness, shaming Him and humiliating Him When I refused to forgive, I added another stripe to His back. When I drank too much, I caused the flow of His Precious Blood to fall on the pillar where He was scourged.

30 pieces of silver? I didn’t need that reward. I simply turned my back on our suffering God and did what I chose and not what the Lord has asked of me. I watched that movie that encouraged impure thoughts and deeds. The thoughts were my reward. I refused to speak to my neighbor. My pride was my reward. I don’t need 30 pieces of silver. I only need my attachments and my pride.

Yes, I am Judas, only less, because Jesus, the Son of God, the Lamb of God, died for me. He saved me from the fires of hell, but He gave me a choice, and I did not choose Him.

He also gave me hope. He gave me the sacrament of reconciliation. He gave me the opportunity to repent and return to Him. He gave me the chance to reconcile with Him through this blessing of confession. There is no value that can be placed on this blessing. Selling my soul versus giving my soul to God. There is no choice, but there is a choice. Choose heaven or hell. We don’t need 30 pieces of silver when we have God’s Mercy.

Behold the Lamb of God who taks away the sins of the world.
Have Mercy on us, Oh Lord.

Have mercy on us, even me. I am Judas, too.