This is a very personal post. I’m really not sure I should share it here, but I am going to share it. Read if you like. If you don’t, that’s fine with me, too. I think I need to see this and realize that I am doing the right thing.
I have recently ended a friendship. We’ve known each other for 20+ years, though, until the last 4 we have not been friends. I didn’t particularly care for her, but in these last years, I have come to appreciate her more than I thought I could. I have found some goodness in her that I didn’t know was there. For that, I am grateful.
I can’t go into specifics, but her behavior towards me is toxic. The time has come to move on. I’m not sure she’s realized what I am doing yet, but she will. Now, the challenge.
In order to live my life as a Christian, I have to behave towards her with kindness. This might be difficult because I don’t expect her to react well when she realizes what has happened. I know I will see her at Mass frequently. I know that she will sneak behind my back as she has done in the past, attempting to make me look bad, while thinking this will make her look good. (I’ve only realized this.) I know that she has mental health issues, and that means this will not be easy. When boundaries don’t matter. When her main issues are self image and control, this journey will not be easy.
The Good News
I have the blessing of prayer. I can pray for her. I can pray for me. I can wish her well in prayer. I can ask for God’s blessings on me. I can give this toxicity to God and He will fill the emptiness with His love. Jesus is the Divine Healer. I pray for blessings on us both.
Not having to deal with the toxic nature of the relationship has made my heart lighter. I had made a choice to begin the friendship, and now, I make the choice to end the friendship. I know it’s the right thing to do. The time has come to move on. This friendship would not come to a natural end as many do.
I have seen a good side to her, and she has many redeeming qualities. I’ve also seen the side of her that erupts when she can’t control her anxieties, and I have become the target of her rage.
Enough is enough. I’m moving on, and that’s a good thing.